How do I feel about it? Meh!

I found out today a friend got married. She married her long time love on a Kibbutz in Israel. She looked beautiful, radiant, and happy. She was also very pregnant. Contrary to what she expressed in the email, this wasn't as shocking for me as she had thought. I learned weeks in advance from another mutual friend who keeps in better contact with her than I. I'm glad for her. Her happiness is very important to me.

Two years ago that info would have made me incredibly sad. I was in love with this girl. In fact, from the first moment I set eyes on her when she walked into our studio I felt immediately drawn to her. Her smile filled me with a feeling I have only experienced a few times in my life. When I talked to her during the interview, I felt a connection to her in some way I can't explain. She was so warm and natural. And her sense of humor caught me off guard.

We ended up hiring her as an animator. It had more to do with her talent than the way she made me feel. It's true! Over a span of a year, we grew to be good friends. At the time, she was dating her boyfriend so I kept my growing feelings for her to myself. I didn't want to create any awkwardness at work. Besides, I really respected her talent and didn't want to see her leave because of me. So, I pushed the feelings down and kept myself busy.

When she confessed to a few of us at work that she broke up with her boyfriend, my heart jumped into my throat. I was scared what it might mean. By this time, I was completely in love with her. At work I was just stupid around her. At night I fantasized about a life with her. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. I even convinced myself that I would move to Israel with her if that was what she wanted. I'm sure she could sense something was up. Our friendship grew further apart.

to be continued.......
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Sketch: About an hour and a half. Self portrait.